I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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