i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
