Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
