is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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