Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
