I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
