he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
