well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
