I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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