Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
