Umm I'm too high to move.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize