the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
