Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
