She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Pooping to opera.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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