living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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