i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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