I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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