tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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