I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize