there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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