there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
