id be glad to
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
