Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
