It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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