halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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