You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
