walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
