lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
