the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I want to be your penis for a week.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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