I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
