Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
