after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
