he wants to bone in the snuggie
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
