I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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