You don't have asthma, your pregnant
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
