she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I believe in your delicious
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
