I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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