my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
