Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
