R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
