if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
