Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just took my morning after pill in the library
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
