yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
