She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize