Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
