i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
