i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
