you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
