I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
