Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
