3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize