some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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