Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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