its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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