rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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