She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize