Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
