Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
