I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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