you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
