I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
