nut hugger
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
