He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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