one two three fourrrrnication!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
