the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
