just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
