It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
